Birthday Jokes

Birthday is a wonderful occasion that reminds us of the road traveled, and the journey we’ll take in the future. On this day we hear the warm words from our closest ones, receive wonderful gifts and get lost in all of the attention and love. It may seem that nothing can make a birthday a better day, but there are the jokes that will make it even brighter, and we’ve selected the best ones for you!

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Hilarious Happy Birthday Jokes

All of us visit dozens of birthday parties during a year, and the truth is that things never change. In most cases, birthday reminds a set of certain rules, words, and behavior. That’s why humor is always appreciated! If you want to impress the guest and the man of the hour, look through the jokes we’ve carefully selected for you. Moreover, some of them can be used as toast or congratulations that aren’t too kind yet absolutely hilarious.

  • I used to be a boy trapped in a woman’s body. But after 9 long months, I was finally born!
  • Your upcoming birthday reminds me of the words of the old Chinese scholar: Yung No Mo
  • What goes up and never comes down? Your Age.
  • You know you’re getting old when you go to an antique auction and three people bid on you.
  • Happy Birthday. Soon you will get older and then you can laugh, sneeze, cough and pee at the same time.
  • The older you get, the more you need to keep a fire extinguisher close to the cake.
  • What do you always get on your birthday? Another year older.
  • I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.
  • I always feel warm on my birthday because people don’t stop toasting me.
  • Q: What happens when no one shows up to your birthday party? A: You CAN have your cake and eat it too.

Funny Birthday Jokes for Kids

Some people consider knock-knock jokes to be goofy, but we consider them to be classic. Today, in the era of the Internet and advanced technologies, kids are not as naïve as a few decades ago, and making them laugh is not an easy task. If you want to make your dear boy or girl smile on this significant day, check out the jokes below. Maybe one of them will be a hit at the party!

  • Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Abby.
    Abby who?
    Abby birthday!
  • Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
    – It was feeling crumby!
  • What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
    – Angel food cake!
  • Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Bird.
    Bird who?
    Bird day greetings to you.
  • What has wings, a long tail, and wears a bow?… A birthday pheasant!
  • Q: What do you give 900-pound gorilla for his birthday?
    A: I don’t know, but you’d better hope he likes it!
  • Why did everyone hide from Sue on her birthday?… Because they wanted her to be Sue-prised!
  • Why couldn’t prehistoric man send birthday cards?… The stamps kept falling off the rocks!
  • Q: What is the left side of a birthday cake?
    A: The side that’s not eaten.
  • Q: What do you tell a lion on his birthday?
    A: It’s roar birthday!

Birthday Dad Jokes

If your old man has a good sense of humor, it’s a blessing! On this big day, you should encourage and inspire him, tell him how much you love your dad, or at least make him smile. We personally like the third option most. Furthermore, who says that a heartfelt, sweet, and touching greeting can’t be hilarious as well?

  • Dad, you’re not 52—you are only twenty-two, with thirty-two years of experience! Happy birthday!
  • Growing old is inevitable, but growing up is optional.
  • No matter what life throws at you Dad, at least you don’t have ugly children.
  • I learned a lot from you Dad. And yet I have never been arrested. Happy Birthday.
  • To my dear Dad: I was going to buy something awesome for your birthday, but I didn’t seem to have enough money. So for your birthday this year, I’m going to give you a suggestion that you increase my pocket money for the next year. Until then, happy birthday this year!
  • Mom just informed me that, though you are getting old, you are not becoming wiser at all. You’re welcome for revealing this secret to you. Just kidding. Happy birthday to one of the wisest men I know!
  • Dad, I think it may be time to ditch your lighter. You need to have a flamethrower for lighting so many candles. Happy birthday, old man!
  • Enjoy all the love and attention on your birthday. From tomorrow, it’s going to be boring as always. Happy birthday dad!
  • I wish nothing but smiles for you as long as you still have some teeth remaining. Happy birthday to you!
  • Happy birthday Dad. Can I borrow money?

Dirty Birthday Jokes

Morality, ethical principles, and other similar stuff are undoubtedly important. Some rules must never be broken, and some are broken with pleasure, at least in the context of humor. If the guest of honor and you are close friends, siblings or spouses, you can afford to say a dirty yet hilarious joke, but don’t forget that this rule doesn’t work for distant relatives, acquaintances, and bosses, only for the closest ones.

  • I’m not going to make any old-age jokes to sour this monumental occasion. I mean, just the fact that you’re still alive is nothing short of a miracle, and it ought to be celebrated.
  • May you live long enough to shit yourself.
  • Allow me to politely suggest this be the year you start lying about your age.
  • You have arrived at old age when all you can put your teeth into… is a glass.
  • Happy birthday! You’re one year closer to dipping your balls in the water when you take a dump.
  • Congratulations on being a year older and still maintaining such a low level of maturity. You are truly an inspiration.
  • Damn! You’re so old, your first pet must have been a dinosaur.
  • Grandma, is it exciting being 99? It certainly is! If I wasn’t 99 I’d be dead.
  • When I looked at the date, I realized that it was your birthday, friend! When I thought about the year in which you were born, I almost fainted! You don’t look a day over a hundred! Happy Birthday
  • Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

Old Man Birthday Jokes for Friends

What makes friendship so special? Well, this is something that can never be put into words. We can use various adjectives, nouns, and verbs to describe it, but it’s not enough. Still, among all these words theirs is a word ‘humor,’ and its importance should never be underestimated. Are you looking for some cheesy jokes for your best friend to the old man smile this day? If you are, we have some awesome sayings and toasts for you!

  • “Smile – today is your birthday. Be happy and remember that things could be worse. Just think about what you’ll be like in ten years – yikes!
  • Seeing as I usually forget everyone’s birthdays, you should consider it a miracle that I’m sending you this message. Happy Birthday!
  • Today, my friend, you have made me grateful for something…that I’m not the oldest person here! Happy Birthday!
  • Friend, I hope that a million birthday wishes come true for you! It will match your age! Happy Birthday!
  • Two older men sit on a park bench. One says, “Joe, I’m 84 years old, and I have nothing but aches and pains. How do you feel?” Joe says, “I feel like a newborn babe!” “Really, a newborn babe?” “Yes! I have no teeth, no hair, and I think I might’ve wet my pants!” Happy birthday!
  • Remembering you today, friend, is easy! The sheer number of your years is astounding! Happy Birthday!
  • Happy birthday! Want to feel young and thin again? Let’s go hang out with a bunch of old and fat people.
  • You know how most people, on your birthday, tell you, “My goodness, you never seem to age.” Well, I’m not one of them. Happy birthday, old fart!
  • First the army recruiters and now AARP — you must know you’re a wanted man. Happy Birthday!
  • Don’t worry about your age. You are still younger than your next birthday. Have a special day!

Corny Birthday Jokes and Puns

People are afraid of getting old, but every year life proves us that there’s nothing to be afraid of. We’re becoming wiser, smarter, wealthier, and stronger, isn’t it great? Still, that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t joke about our age, after all, calling your friend an antique piece of art on his or her birthday is a must! Check out the corny puns and choose the best one to send the best birthday message ever!

  • I always get this warm feeling on my birthday because people just won’t stop toasting me.
  • Honey, you really don’t have to do the dishes on your birthday. Do it tomorrow.
  • Are we becoming older and wiser? No, we’re becoming older and wider!
  • Thank you for your birthday wishes on Facebook. Who are you by the way?
  • Recent research revealed that 4 out of 5 people can expect money in their birthday cards.Happy Birthday, number 5!
  • From a certain age, birthdays are like a reverse countdown.
  • Q: What’s the easiest way to remember your wife’s birthday? A: Forget it once!
  • Q: What’s the best way to get a man to remember your anniversary? A: Get married on his birthday.
  • When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
  • You know you’re getting old when… People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”

Silly Birthday Knock Knock Jokes

Are you looking for clever puns and jokes? Well, you won’t find them here. It’s time for silly knock-knock jokes that remind us of the childhood and simple things that always make us smile! Check out the best (no) birthday related jokes we’ve carefully selected for you.

  • Who’s there?
    Ivan.
    Ivan who?
    Ivan a piece of your cake!
  • Who’s there?
    Abby and Manny.
    Abby and Manny who?
    Abby birthday and Manny happy returns.
  • Knock, knock!
    Who’s there?
    Alligator.
    Alligator who?
    Alligator for her birthday was a card.
  • Who’s there?
    Bacon.
    Bacon who?
    Bacon a cake for your birthday!
  • Who’s there?
    Ben.
    Ben who?
    Ben over and get your birthday bumps!
  • Who’s there?
    Bertha.
    Bertha who?
    Bertha day greetings to you.
  • Who’s there?
    Lettuce.
    Lettuce who?
    Lettuce come to your birthday party!
  • Who’s there?
    Omar.
    Omar who?
    Omar gosh, it’s your birthday!
  • Who’s there?
    Stopwatch.
    Stopwatch who?
    Stopwatch your doing and have a happy birthday!
  • Who’s there?
    Wanda.
    Wanda who?
    Wanda wish you a happy birthday!

Incredibly Funny Birthday One Liners

We personally consider that one-liners are the best jokes. They’re short, brief and incredibly funny. Of course, most of them are sarcastic as well, and that’s the best thing about such kind of puns. If you share our opinion, take a glance at these cool sayings. We bet you’ll recognize yourself and some of your friends in them!

  • I bet the worst part about being a birthday cake is when you’re set on fire, and then eaten by the hero that saved you.
  • I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother. It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.
  • Which came first? The birth, or parental disappointment?
  • If you feel a bit lonely, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up remember…You can always change your birthday on facebook!
  • Your secrets are safe with me because I literally won’t remember them. This also applies to your birthday. Your birthdays are safe with me.
  • You know you’re fifty when your chiropractor sends you birthday cards.
  • The number one cause of death is too many birthdays.
  • Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.
  • Happy Birthday! You’re now living proof of the old saying that “Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.”
  • Today is your birthday, so congratulate yourself, especially if you’re still young enough to remember it.

Getting Old Birthday Jokes

We’re all getting old, and there’s nothing we can do about it. Well, who says that it’s bad? Of course, some things are really getting worse, but it’s the only body, but what about the opportunity to enjoy life to the fullest as the wiser person? We’re afraid of getting old when we’re young, on the next stage we start to enjoy the process. Still, it’s doesn’t mean we can’t joke about our age!

  • You know you are getting old when you have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
  • The most annoying part about getting older is the incessant desire to give those younger than me unwanted advice.
  • You know you are getting old when you lean over to pick something up off the floor, and then ask yourself if there is anything else you need to do while you are down there.
  • The older you get the more you relate to the Grinch on a philosophical level.
  • You know you are getting old when work is a lot less fun–and fun is a lot more work.
  • You know you are getting old when you give up all your bad habits and you still don’t feel good.
  • The best thing about getting older is nobody invites you to their destination divorce.
  • So many candles, so little cake!
  • The older I get the less I like people, but the more I like me.
  • I know I’m getting older because the eggplant emoji just fell out of my frequently used list.

Birthday Card Jokes for Her

Are you courageous enough to joke about a woman’s age? If you are, check out these birthday card jokes! Fortunately, there are a lot of women with a great sense of humor, and if you were lucky to meet one of them, don’t miss your chance to make this wonderful lady smile!

  • Hope your day is as great as your tits.
  • When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of algebra.
  • Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age — as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
  • I’ll refrain from making old jokes on your umpteenth birthday because I know how sensitive you are about your older age.
  • You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
  • You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, “See if you can blow this out.”
  • I’m not going to make any age-related jokes, because I genuinely feel bad about how old you are.
  • I would say you were old, but hell, you were old last year.
  • Age is a relative term. All my relatives keep reminding me how old I am.
  • Happy birthday to someone whose jokes at least never get old.
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