What do you think about, when reading the title of this article? We suppose your thoughts are quite similar to ours. Our parents tend to joke embarrassingly bad; especially they like to do that when we come home with our friends. Come on, dad, do not make me puzzled because of your “dusty” sense of humor! Moms are a bit politer usually, so dads take the double role in embarrassing us. Fortunately, the mothers often save the situations with their soft: “Stop it, you make our little child be like he does not know us!”, but our reputation cannot be saved at all after our friends’ communication with our fathers. Here we want to remind you the most popular dad jokes, just for you to think twice before trying to put in touch your comrades with your funny family.
Horrible Dad Jokes
Here we start our journey into the perfect world of horrible jokes. You should know that we did not want you to see this. Well, we did want, actually, but we hope that it will not harm your mental health. Be brave and continue reading. Remember that we have already read this bullshit, you are not alone.
- “I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!”
- “Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.”
- Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
- Dad I’m hungry … “Hi hungry” I’m dad
- I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.
- “Hold on, I have something in my shoe” “I’m pretty sure it’s a foot”
- What do you call a hippie’s wife? – Mississippi.
- I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
- Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
- A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.
Awesome Dad Puns
Our dads’ sayings can make a good shot and cheer us up. After the embarrassing jokes above you should take a rest and relax, laughing at these really cool puns. Enjoy!
- “If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?”
- “Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants!”
- What kind of magic do cows believe in? MOODOO.
- What do you call a sketchy Italian neighborhood? – The spaghetto.
- What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
- “A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, ‘Sorry we don’t serve food here.'”
- I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
- I can’t decide if I want to pursue a career as a writer or a grifter.I’m still weighing the prose and cons
- I’ve never gone to a gun range before. I decided to give it a shot!
Corny Dad Jokes
So you believe that you are intelligent and smart? Do you think that you are an expert in the field of humor? Then check out these idiotic jokes and try not to laugh, you, phoneys!
- “Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? Never mind… it’s tearable.”
- “What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”
- I start a new job in Seoul next week. I hope it is going to be a good Korea move.
- Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.
- I’ve never gone to a gun range before. I decided to give it a shot!
- It takes guts to make a sausage.
- Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
- “Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, ‘No, just leave it in the carton!'”
- Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.
- I’ll never date another apostrophe.- The last one was too possessive.
Dad Joke Meme
You might see these highly popular memes with the screen captures of the “Walking Dead” series. We were happy to found out that almost all of them are really lolable! Here we present just two of those images, but you can search for more and we assure that you will be pleased with any of them. You will be, Coral!
Best Dad Jokes Ever
The sincere humorous intent of your father is usually nice, but he often touches the topics he should not. Then you realize that you should not laugh – as far as you are “just a child and do not know about all that stuff” – or cannot resist laughter and finally burst with yock, under your mother’s disfavor. Dad, you can embarrass me even with the best joke you could ever tell…
- “I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!”
- “I got hit in the head with a can of Diet Coke today. Don’t worry, I’m not hurt. It was a soft drink.”
- What do you call a row of people lifting mozzarella? – A cheesy pick up line.
- I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that’s just nuts
- What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt.
- I really look up to my tall friends.
- “Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans!”
- Why does the man want to buy nine rackets? Cause tennis too many.
- Darth Vader: “Why can’t you eat wookiee meat son?”
Luke: “I don’t know why?”
Darth Vader: “Because it’s too Chewy”
- A doctor broke his leg while auditioning for a play.Luckily he still made the cast.
Jokes So Bad They’re Good
Do not go to the shop with your dad. Or to a restaurant. Of course, you can, if you know certainly that he is not going to crack his ordinary jokes; but if you are not ready for this – gather your heart. Your father’s strong desire for communication can result in an awkward pause. Try to resist a facepalm, it can hurt your dad, who believes that he is the best comedian ever.
- “Cashier: “Would you like the milk in a bag, sir?” DAD: “No, just leave it in the carton!””
- “Waitress: “Soup or salad?” Dad: “I don’t want a SUPER salad; I want a regular salad.”
- “Server: “Sorry about your wait.” Dad: “Are you saying I’m fat?””
- “Me: ‘Hey, I was thinking… ’ My dad: ‘I thought I smelled something burning.'”
- What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
- What was Forrest Gump’s email password? 1forrest1.
- What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.
- What time did the kid go to the dentist? – Tooth hurt-y
- “Whenever we drive past a graveyard my dad says, ‘Do you know why I can’t be buried there?’ And we all say, ‘Why not?’ And he says, ‘Because I’m not dead yet!’”
- What is the least spoken language in the world? Sign language
Best Funny Dad Jokes
We are not sure that these puns are the best ones from all that we have presented on this page, but they still can make you laugh. Check them out! We hope you will like them.
- “Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans!”
- “What do you call a factory that sells passable products? A satisfactory.”
- “Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.”
- My daughter screeched, “Daaaaaad, you haven’t listened to one word I’ve said, have you!?” What a strange way to start a conversation with me…
- People using umbrellas always seem to be under the weather.
- I’m on a seafood diet… I see food and I eat it.
- I dig, you dig, we dig, she dig, he dig, they dig. – It’s not a beautiful poem, but it’s very deep.
- “I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.”
- A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
- Don’t ever have multiple people wash dishes together. It’s hard for them to stay in sink.
Hilarious Dad Jokes
These are so bad dad jokes that they are actually funny. We were surprised at how a certain degree of dullness can be humorous.
- “Why did the man name his dogs Rolex and Timex? Because they were watch dog.”
- “Can February March? No, but April May”
- “I asked my dad for his best dad joke and he said, ‘You.’”
- Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything!
- You know why I like egg puns? They crack me up!
- Q: What did baby corn say to mama corn? A: Where’s popcorn?
- What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.
- I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson… He said, “But dad, your name is Brian.” I said, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.”
Deadbeat Dad Jokes
The statements of our parents can make us extremely puzzled, almost catatonic. Dads went ever farther with their phenomenal skills to joke – one can say that they were trained those skills for all their lives, and we are really afraid of what will be in future when their talent will get to the top.
- If you wear cowboy clothes are you ranch dressing?
- “Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.”
- Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
- What did the daddy tomato say to the baby tomato? A: catch up!
- Old skiers never die. They just go down hill.
- What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese.
- I’m reading a book on the history of glue – can’t put it down.
- The display of still-life art was not at all moving!
Good Bad Jokes
Dad has a huge experience in the field of humor, believe us. Do not try to compete with him, as you will fail and suffer the most humiliating defeat. And, please, do not tell the dad’s jokes in a group of your friends, as you will get the reputation of an old and stupid trout. Your father can be forgiven for his puns, as he belongs to the other generation with its own customs; but you will be mocked and ridiculed.
- “Did you hear that Arnold Schwarzenegger will be doing a movie about classical music? He’ll be Bach.”
- “How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise, they’d be uncles.”
- Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
- Why was dumbo sad? He felt irrelephant
- A police officer caught two kids playing with a firework and a car battery. He charged one and let the other one off.
- Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
- What has two butts and kills people? An assassin
- Simba, you’re falling behind. I must ask you to Mufasa.
Really Bad Dad Jokes
Be sure, our dads can also suffer from their sense of humor. Mothers are their strongest allies and adversaries simultaneously. You’d better tell your father that he should not mess with his wife, as she is the real King Pin in the family and can win against any of his humorous weapons. The examples you can read below.
- “My wife asked me to sync her phone, so I threw it into the ocean. I don’t know why she’s mad at me.”
- “A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, “First offender?” She says, “No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!””
- What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
- Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.
- Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
- I’ll call you later. Don’t call me later, call me Dad.
- When an ambulance zips past with its siren blaring: “They won’t sell much ice cream driving that fast.”
- The scarecrow get promoted because he was outstanding in his field.
- There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
Dad Jokes One Liners
If your dad is a linguist, he can use his academic experience to create the puns. We saw the perfect examples of the wordplay in the past, but these are the sayings you should ignore. Well, you can familiarize yourselves with them, just to know, how stupidly the academic degrees can be used.
- “What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? Elephino.”
- GRANDPA: I have a ‘dad bod’, DAD: To me it’s more like a father figure.
- “What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant”
- If Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal in the US, he will be rolling in his grave.
- Lettuce take a moment to appreciate this salad pun.
- I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
- Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.
- What does Superman have in his drink? Just ice.
Cheesy Dad Jokes
When talking with your dad, be ready to various punchlines – parent really like to diss the child, as the latter cannot actually answer directly or rudely. We do not encourage you to nut up and start barking; just think about it as of another pill to swallow. You will be the same, and your children will suffer from your own jokes.
- When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
- Why couldn’t the dead car drive into the cluttered garage? Lack of vroom.
- When you ask a dad if he’s alright: “No, I’m half left.”
- When the church relocated it had an organ transplant.
- “Doctor, I’ve broken my arm in several places” Doctor “Well don’t go to those places.”
- What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.
- A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
- Garbage collectors are rubbish drivers!
Great Father Jokes
There are legends about the fathers with the stunning sense of humor. If you are here with us, your dad does not belong to the group of those cool guys. Wipe your tears. You are not alone. We have prepared some of the wonderful dad puns to distract you from the continuous flow of your own father’s idiotic sayings.
- “Dad, passing national peanut festival: I’ve heard that place is nuts.”
- When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding.
- Where do you imprison a skeleton? In a rib cage.
- Why was the big cat disqualified from the race? Because it was a cheetah.
- I asked my friend, Nick, if he had 5 cents I could borrow. But he was Nicholas.
- The tale of the haunted refrigerator was chilling.
- Some aquatic mammals at the zoo escaped. It was otter chaos.
- How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
- If people ask how many puns I made in Germany I reply, “nein”
Jokes Your Dad Would Tell
Check out these sayings: we highly recommend that, as you can probably see your father in these jokes. They are ordinary, obvious, pointless – just like the majority of the jokes that your dad would tell.
- “When you ask a dad if he’s alright: “No, I’m half left.””
- I used to work at a hairdresser but i just wasn’t cut out for it.
- How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.
- The lumberjack loved his new computer. He especially enjoyed logging in.
- Breaking news! Energizer Bunny arrested – charged with battery
- Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.
- SON: *hands my Dad his 50th birthday card*, DAD: You know, one would have been enough.
- Why is metal and a microwave a match made in heaven? When they met, sparks flew.
Awful Dad Jokes
Sometimes dad can pass the border and start joking about the things that should better rest in peace. We can include religion, death, and sex in this set. However, who can be braver than a father? Nobody! We can only hope that he has nine lives, as after such puns he can get some hits.
- “When a dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that’s a popular cemetery? Yep, people are just dying to get in there!”
- “How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.”
- “My dad got me with this one: ‘Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.’”
- Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.
- Want to hear a pun about ghosts? That’s the spirit!
- Q: What’s 50 Cent’s name in Zimbabwe? A: 400 Million Dollars.
- I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off.
- “A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, ‘I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.'”
- If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?
Classic Dad Jokes
Dad can make any wish come true. Do you want to become a sandwich? Poof – and you are already! Do you want to watch the TV? Nah, this is too hard for our dear wizard, forget about it.
- “I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.”
- “Me: “Dad, make me a sandwich!” Dad: “Poof, You’re a sandwich!”
- “What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit? A ba-na-na-na.”
- I bought a wooden whistle but it wooden whistle.
- Did you hear about the circus that caught on fire? It was in tents.
- What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
- The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.
- “My dad’s name is Phil, and whenever I finish eating and say, ‘Dad, I’m full,’ he always replies, ‘No, I’m full; you’re Ruby.'”
We do not know, why parents tend to crack a bit racist jokes, but they are still adults and can be responsible for all that they say. The puns below are not as racist as they could be, but the Mexicans can get offended, even if your dad just making the wordplay.
- “What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.”
- “What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese.”
- “How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog says, ‘Ribbit, ribbit’ and a horny toad says, ‘Rub it, rub it.'”
- Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.
- The one day of the week that eggs are definitely afraid of is Fry-day.
- Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam.
- 5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.
- “On all of my medical forms growing up my dad wrote ‘red’ for my blood type. To this day no one knows my actual blood type.”
One Liner Dad Jokes
Do you remember all those stupid questions with the dull answers? We wonder, why only our dads know those questions and try to create even more of them. If considering in details, there is something funny in such sayings, but why, for the God’s sake, our fathers try so hard to help them live?!
- “What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.”
- “What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.”
- I had a real problem making a hard-boiled egg this morning until I cracked it.
- What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.
- Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “do you know how to drive this thing?”
- It’s really hard to say what my wife does for a living. – She sells sea shells by the sea shore.
- MOM: “How do I look?” DAD: “With your eyes.”
- The man who ate too many eggs was considered to be an egg-oholic.
Yo Daddy Jokes
If you know that your enemy’s dad is a weird and dull person? Try to diss him with such puns! We do not advise you to do that, but if you want to do this so bad and so long – take these sayings as your weapon!
- “Yo Daddy so bald… Ohh, wait that’s yo mama.”
- “Your daddy so gay, I called him a homo and he started chasing me with a pink dildo.”
- Yo daddy is so stupid that when your mom said it was chilly outside, he ran out the door with a spoon.
- Yo daddy is so stupid he put his face in a book and called it “Facebook”
- Yo daddy is so stupid that he tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order!
- Yo daddy is so stupid that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of the basement window.
- Yo daddy is so stupid that he thought Tupac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
- Yo daddy is so old that he sat behind george washington in first grade
Terrible Dad Jokes
One can say that the animal jokes are so popular because of the animals’ inability to understand us and to answer with their own puns. However, why the jokes like these exist – is a mystery for us. Probably, you can tell us, why they are met on the Internet so often, as we are still thinking about this controversial issue.
- “What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Stroganoff.”
- “What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef. If the cow has no legs, then it’s ground beef.”
- “I had a dream that I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted!”
- The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
- The best time of day to eat eggs is at the crack of dawn.
- How do you make a hankie dance? Put a little boogie in it.
- What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
- My dad: “You know how scuba divers sit on the edge of the boat and fall out backwards into the water? You know why they do that?”
Me: “No, why?”
Him: “If they went forward they’d fall in the boat!”
Lame Dad Jokes
After telling such jokes you can hear only the chirp of the crickets. Of course, you, as a close relative, would laugh at these puns, if they are said by your dad, but do not use them by yourself; reading this, remember, how high the degree of stupidity can be.
- “What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea!”
- “What does a zombie vegetarian eat? “GRRRAAAAAIIIINNNNS!”
- What do you call Samsung’s security guards? Guardians of the Galaxy.
- Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater.
- Crossing a cement mixer and a chicken will result in you getting a brick layer.
- Where does batman go to the bathroom? The batroom.
- To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket… You can hide but you can’t run.
- What would ROCKY be called if it were a hockey movie? – ROCKEY
- “Anytime I do something smart my dad says, ‘Wow, you’re a fart smella…I mean smart fella!'”
Worst Dad Jokes
The authors of these jokes might be either the real idiots or just a bit strange individuals. Well, there is a bit of reality in these dialogs, as our dads tend to answer weirdly to our asking, but to share such things on the Internet is far from adequacy. They can trigger the laugh but the hesitated only; tell us, do you feel the same when reading them?
- “- Dad, can you put the cat out? – I didn’t know it was on fire.”
- “- Dad, can you put my shoes on? – No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.”
- “When I went to choir practice
Dad: ‘Don’t forget a bucket.’
Dad: ‘To carry your tune.'”
- My wife tried to unlatch our daughter’s car seat with one hand and said, “How do one armed mothers do it?” Without missing a beat I replied, “Single handedly.”
- Hopefully this egg pun doesn’t make your brain too fried or scrambled.
- What’s the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant? About 5000 miles
- The rotation of earth really makes my day.
- “We were getting fast food when the lady at the window said, ‘Any condiments?’ My dad responded, ‘Compliments? You look very nice today!’”
- I gave all my dead batteries away today… Free of charge.
- When a dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that’s a popular cemetery? Yep, people are just dying to get in there!